Umm I'm too high to move.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
