mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
