why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
