maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i love accidental penises.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
