Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
