And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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