So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
