oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
