Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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