I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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