I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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