Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
