dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
