We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Panties = found
Randomize
