You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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