I just saw a hot homeless man
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
