I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
