Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
