playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
