Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
