Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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