Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
kristin has been a bad kristin
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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