We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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