her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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