she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
