when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
