It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
