I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
