He kissed a someone with a penis
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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