I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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