Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
