Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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