Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
