i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
