The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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