In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
