It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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