At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
