I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
