Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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