Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How drunk are you?
Completed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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