i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
