That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
