I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
