my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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