tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
