I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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