I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
