There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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