He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
