I look better un-naked...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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