i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
