at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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