Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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