if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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