Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.