I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(