I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....