He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.