If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
