note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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