Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize