can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
