No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
