Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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