I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize